ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!

Disclaimer: Don't read this if you don't feel like reading a very bi-polar post lol

So...170.00000000000000000 ARE YOU FUCKING ME?!?!?! this is at 6:20 pm MEANING I WOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE 160'S THIS MORNING... GERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR FUCK YOU HOTEL FOR NOT HAVING A SCALE!

o well... I suppose I can wait 12 hours lol

ANYWAYS....so we get home, I have to drive my sis and her friend to planned parenthood to get an STD screening... lol... I know thats nothing to laugh about but it was just funny for me.. ANYWAY so while Im there i'm like fuck it, I'll make an appointment... I've wanted to get tested for a UTI lately anyways, why the hell not just know im clean?.... I mean I probably did have a tad too much fun in college....
so, we get there right, THEY MESSED THEIR APPT. UP!... my sister is dumb... lol... Or maybe I just strive for perfection too much and would never do that lol

Well i'll keep you guys updated on THAT one lol



SO... in other news, I had a panic attack today...if I've told you guys before they are usually onlt in my head and make me short of breath, tense, nd reallllly hot.
So im in this mall... my mom is fucking buying more clothes for hollister....shes 48... its just weird to me? idk... sothen she goes n this rant how im jealous that she can fit into their clothes and what not...blahblahblah....maybe I am a little... but that isnt the MAIN REASON I don't want her in there, Ive always thought it was weird when moms wear clothes like that.... like for real... I huess its just embarrassing to me. So we're in Abercromie and fitch and for real I look in the mirror and just feel huge... like Idek what was going on.... I basically broke down... I gave my mom a shirt that I need to pay her back for still... nad was like im going to pass out, so I go and sit and eventually get come backto normal...then we get to the car and thay start fighting again... then I have a legit panic attack,,,,like im crying and cant breath and my mom keeps yelling whats wrong and im like just leave me alone ok...(ill get over it, people make it worse) my sister is now yelling at her to stop yelling at me, lol ( she has witnessed like one of my few real panick attacks before and knows how it is. So eventually...im fine... what ever....

http://www.abercrombie.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Casting?catalogId=10901&storeId=10051&langId=-1

Go visit this site please... I want to fucking do this sooooo bad! I for real (not trying to be cocky or anything) think im a lot prettier than most of the girls! Just not as skinny............GAY o well, I mean I guess that can be motivation? lol

UGG!!!!! I had a really weird day guys, sorry this post is soo out there and random....

So dinner last night: my mom bought pizza for the hotel... soooo yea... I ate 1 piece AMAZING... looked it up 500 CALORIES>!>!>!???? WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKER?!?!?
lol...I was gonna have two untill I saw that!! Thank god I looked! lol but anyways... it was worth it I guess... I didnt eat the crust either so that saved some.

Well... I love you all and thanks for supporting me even on my crazy days! haha ;] But i'm going to make a bracelet today :] not going to call it a pro ana bracelet or anything since Im obviously not anorexic... but I do think that EDNOS should have their own color......? well... I just looked it up.... looks like im making a pink bracelet! wooo hooo fav color lol
is this going too far? Ill just call it a weight loss bracelet


uggg im sorry guys I just had a really bad/off day.....


breakfast: 2 bites of a muffin, 3 bites of an apple (it was brown and gross :/ )
um I had like a chip in dip at a store? lol

Lunch: fruit and walnut salad Mcdonalds: 210 cals
snack: like 1 or 2 I really dont remember rice cakes lol 50-100
ummmmm yeah I need to eat more I guess? idek...
dinner is spaghitti so I may just eat some noodles with spray butter (0cals) who knows... I really want to go to the gym tonight......

ahhh!

you guys... I just pooped... 169.5.. I think im going to cry.. like I am.. I dont get this. I guess it just feels like my hard work and determination has finally paid off in some way...sighhhhhh

THANK YOU LORD

I dont know if you guys understand where Im coming from....actually some of you probably do... I dont know this feeling right now... it's like reflief and stress is finally gone....

ok... well im sorry for this post. It doesnt feel like its actually me talking when I go back through and read it..

OK one last thing... I think hollisters mirrors make you look bigger... and this isnt in my head... I look at my wrist in the mirror.. and then in real life... it legit was bigger in the mirror. wtf... ALSO... they had a pair of legging that wouldn't of fit me when I was 3 WTF... Are they pro ana or what???....lol'


haha well of to dinner you know ill be posting later

Love you all
thanks for reading
Lilah