Shower...

SO I just b/p'd
wtf?!
It's been like 2 years....
I came home from work.. at some tuna... was good... then found the cookies... then made some waffles... and I seriously like blacked out..
I don't know what else I ate...
I threw up like 10 times in the shower... but bearly got anything out... and the worse part is... I ate the tuna first... but that's all it tasted like...NEVER DO THAT....


When I came home from work I weighed 162.8 1 pound up from this morning... not great but not bad... I would easily lose it over the night...
After the binge: 164.8
and then after I purged i'm like 164.6 with wet hair... What The Fuck.
...my throat hurts...
Im going to dry my hair, then weigh myself for a more accurate weight... I KNOW for a fact it was more than .2 pounds lol

ug.... I legit like blacked out.... and then felt high.. it was the weirdest thing...
Tomorrow I see as a new day.
I WILL be going to the gym :D
and I WILL be 159 by the end of the week.
It's hard or me because I was soooo close at 160.2... but shit happens, and all I can do is try again :]


SO I guess brad decided to come into town... I think Ill see if my friend from the Army wants to hang out another day? hope fully when I weigh less haha...
Idk.... I would much rather just go to sleep... but party I will... lol

So for real... If I get drunk, so be it.
Tomorrow, I will start my new me.
I really want to start going to church again, but I'm so weird about it lately :/

Im starting the healthy/starve... does that make sense? lol
It's what works for me.
I eat 3 "meals" and 2 snacks.
all healthy.
around 550 cals
we'll see.
I want to do ABC but I just don't know....
I have never fasted a whole day...I guess I did if you count tea, and v8 juice a fast...
Idk...
Im so confused on what to do....


I love you all so much
Thank you for always being here for me.
Sorry if I let anyone down :/


~lilah <333


Update!!

Ok so after I blew my hair dry I weighed 163.6 meaning I only gained .8 from the binge... not bad

Me+binge-purge= +.8 I'm kinda happy.

Im wearing my jeans that I love and they actually are confy again :D
Now i'm not talking about the hollister ones I so frequently talk about haha.. but still I love these pants!
size 8 long from American Eagle... Im a happy camper.
Off to brad's.
I love you all sooo much!!

Lilah <3