empty

I feel so empty.
I have no one to turn to.
Like legit no one I can call or go see in Kalamazoo.
I can talk to brad.... but I hurt him so much already.
Im talking to him... all I want is to be in love again....with brad.
I hate hate hate this.
It's a big mess.
I know I oculd find someone who would treat me better... well maybe idk.
but I doubt he would even take me back... I dont even know what the hell im saying... im basically have a panic attack and my head hurts sooo bad.

I went to my friends for dinner.... they made the cheese spinach casserole with noodle... nad I had a cupcake... fml... but at least i ate good earlier.

idek.

I talked to joe this morning... and I was like we should talk later... and he was like, I agree!

so i'm waiting for him to initiate any talk lol... I just wnat him as a friend... it's weird, like I could easily live with never seeing him again... but brad... if I never saw him again I would die.
I guess 5 years will do that to ya.

ugggg. hello 2am.
Im a hot mess.
I just want to be skinny... but I ate too much after my last post... the stuff I ate here was healthy... but then I went over there.... ger.
O well. I'll be working out everyday next week and hopefully now that i'm stopping BC I will lose fast.

Night ladies.
You all make me so proud.
I promise to make you proud soon.