Ups and Downs

I am so random.
My moods, my life, my thoughts, my feelings.

One second I am so confident, and on top of the world.
The next I'm crazy depressed with this weird, unknowing feeling that just won't go away.

My friend Christina is visiting me.... she's sleeping and I keep waking up having coughing fits so I figured going out into the living room would be a smart decision.

I didnt eat for most of today.... but it was ruined tonight.

Intake:
Cracker:30
carrots:10

Panera:
Soup:110
1/2 veggie sandwich:300
bread:180

Shit ton of cookie: 1000? more... idek.

I can NOT stop coughing.... may have some 35 cal a slice bread... idek.

My friend Kara, who also has disordered eating/body image... wants to do a diet with me.
Have a competition to see who can lose the most by valentines day.
Shes like 139 tho....
We used to not eat together in high school... it was kind of fun lol.
I want to get to 154 again by valentines day.  My actual goal is 149.... but I will be happy with 154.

I'm leaving for new hampshire for a week to help volunteer in a children hospital... Not sure If I'll have my computer or not.

And Im sick.... which means I want to eat a ton of soup and sleep.. boo.

Ummm I hung out with Brad last night... it was rather fun?
I really do miss him as a friend.

Ryan is still being an ass.

I want 2011 to be about me finding new friends who actually, truely do care about me...
All the ones that I though did.
really don't.

hmmm im thinking miso soup sounds like  good plan :)
and some bread...

I decided that I'm starting to take pictures of everything I eat... well tomorrow.

Today was too hard with Christina here... and well, so will part of tomorrow....
I can at least try haha.

I also left my scale at home? UGG.
The next time that I get on it I decided that I will be 159 max.

Brad told me that the thing that would make him the most happy is that if I lose weight without staving, puking, or laxatives.
it's funny how he picked up on those things... I didn't even really tell him I ever did.... my roommates told him they heard me puking but I thought I covered it up rather well.... o well that was just a faze that is over now anyways.

I was supposed to tan today but slept through my time slot lol.. opps.

Also, I stopped taking my anti depressants. bad idea?
I'll start taking them again tomorrow....

Sorry this post is so boring.
I really hope that I meet some legitimate people some time soon.. it would be very nice and rather refreshing.

I have some new years resolutions in the works that I will post soon,
I though about not doing them.... they are so cliche and almost never kept... But I am really looking forward to 2011 and truthfully could really use some goal making :)

Alright... well off to eat a bit before tomorrow starts my diet.
I promise this time.

I'll post better tomorrow.

nighty night.