I dont think it's normal for someone to be able to eat 2 tacos, wendys, then 600 cals of mac and cheese... then a bagel adn cream cheese... and not be full.
im gonna puke it up... it's fine.
I don't even care anymore.
This disorder or whatever you call it... anxiety? it shows itself in so many ways... but I just want to express them as they come... I'm gonna work out tomorrow.... somehow.
Even if that means 2134423 crunches and pushups.
no food either...
im gonna try to starve again.
<3
Dear mom... it's 1:25am.
wtf...go to bed.
please.
Ihate to say "i know how you feel" when I obviously don't know you at all, but I am most sincerely astounded at how well I did today because my life has been a movie called binge binge binge and purge until yesterday and today
ReplyDeleteFuck you don't have an e mail do you? I want to keep chatting but my phone doesn't like comment boxes...
ReplyDeleteOh but it publishes THAT comment, not the novel I just wrote about the rollercoaster that is binging.. Grawr!
ReplyDeleteBasically, a binge covers up my emotions for a minute, but pretty soon it's times 153527 and I'm kicking myself. I eventually started kicking myself earlier and earlier until I was able to catch it before it happened AND not say fuck it I'm doing it anyway. Now I'm trying to deal with the emotions that have been there this whole time, and I'm still fucking depressed. Things don't change overnight though... I'm just trying to love and forgive myself and it's fucking HARD.
ReplyDeleteBecause yes, it's def weird to say the least.
ReplyDeletegood 4 u , n good luck stay strong xoxo
ReplyDeletei know. it amazes me how much food i can eat and not feel bursting. my older brother is full after two pieces of pizza but i'm on a binge day and eat half the pizza after he leaves and proceed to eat other things in my kitchen. I have no problem putting it all away. Seriously f-ed up stomachs. . .
ReplyDelete