Mixed Feelings on today...

ALRIGHT, sooooo this is probably going to be yet again another lonnnng blog of mine lol. ... take that back IT WILL BE A LONG POST...they all are lol..

Mmmmk, so after my salad last night, that I ate wayy too late and shouldn't of ate the sides.... I couldn't fall asleep...insomnia...BUT I also didnt eat anything the whole time so that's good. It's like I didnt even consider it an option... haha So Im texting my sis at like 2am, today was her last day of school...she was at a friends house supposedly, and im like where are you really?? ..shes at her friends and they're recording music??idek haha... so we'retexting allll night. I then find out she has noo way to get back to her friends house, or to school. The guy that picked them up is drunk. SHE HAS A PRE CALC AND PHYSIOLOGY FINAL...so the good sister that I am says fineee Ill come get you...actually had fun hanging out with her and 2 of her friends haha...anyways, to my point. They want mcdonalds for breakfest... FUCK MY LIFE... so I hadnt touched food all night or morning so OBVIOUSLY my brain is like dude, I need food to work properly... lol BUT I resist all temptation and don't go in :D Then I find out my sis wants me to wait for her cause she thinks the exam will only tak 20 mins...fuck high school... i miss it. NOT REALLY...so then...she wants to go to mcdonalds AGAIN because she only got a drink the first time since she hac no time to eat food before.....FUCK this... we go through the drive thru window.... evn harder... we sit there for 10 minutes while she decides what she wants... THIS IS LEGIT TORTURE FOR ME...well after all is said and done I end up getting a small Strawberry Frozen Lemonade...I mean I guess it has the name of two fruits?? lmao...Fuck it... So I wont touch it till I KNOW the calories, my sis and her friends are actually searching their phones for me ahaha...even my mom is looking ahahaha...no suck luck, so then her friends lyss calls the place ahahah...210 cals....could be worse, but thats still wayyyyy to much, so I give sis half.. bringing me to around 105ish... and you know what, I just can't complain, I got something from mcdonalds, was actually worth eating, and was 110 cals. Mistake? yeah. But I've been doing great and think that I deserved it...

ANYWAYS so I get home, weigh my self: 174.. I weighed that yesterday... IF I DIDNT DRINK THE DAMN FROZEN THING I COULD OF SEEN A 3... o well Im about to nap (have my nights sleep during the day) i'm almost positive ill see it when i wake up :] and of course Ill let ya'll know. I HAVE TO SEE IT.. I have lost every single day this week. I mean True, I didnt gain.... but I have 3 things coming up that I NEED to know I dropped 10 pounds for (i'm aiming for 171.5, 10 from my lately highest), would loveeee 169 tho. (10 from when I started blogging)

1.) One of my best friends just graduated high school, OPEN HOUSE...o no... I will be drunk, and dancing the whole time lol.. so some intake, some outtake lol. But to make things worse, they are rich and will have a full spread of food plus a candy bar (I kno this because she is the 3rd one in their fam to graduate)... ne ways...Im not sure if you guys realize how hard it is for me to not shove my face full while im drunk...Im just going to have to sleep in and faast til I get there I mean, if I eat 1 meatball, fruit and veggies thanks god, and a shit ton of water and diet sodas, I should make it.... now alcohol on the other hand.. Im think that since my total caloric intake for the week so far is like the same as 2 days used to be for me, if not less..I just added my week since monday : 1,839.5 ish... damn, thats less than i used to eat a day.. im on a role.... sO back to my point.. I should be a pretty light weight... I'm thinking if I can just throw back 4 shots like super fast maybe ill be drunk...College ruined me, I had 12 shots one night. lol

2.)MONDAY = SHOPPING DAY

woah...quick ADD break: I just peed right, then weighed myself (becuase I usually do that whenever I go to the bathroom... I gained .5? ok wtf.. I had liquid leave my body and I gained weight?? This isn't the first time this has happened... Anyone out there have this happen??

SHOPPING...with mom and sis. Ok obviously this is going to suck, however Im going to make it great ;] im basically going to have to tell my mom that I cant watch her try on clothes...its horrible I know... But im going to get clothes for me...If I like how they look, and soon they will get loose and look even better im hopeing. My sis, shes fine... our BMIs are so close that like we can still share shirts and shorts. And plus she knows how I get so unless shes pissed at me, then she'll be good. She doesnt even care about weight so wew should have a fun day :] oh wait, I think we're spending the night... we're going to an outlet mall about an hour away... over Spring Break we would always do this instead of a trip... sigh...no scale? will I ACTUALLY bring mine...ehh probs not, hopefully they have a weight room with a scale.. however...I obviously cant get naked in there! haha...plus, my mom is actually BUYING me new clothes, i almost feel bad, Im about to be 19 and pay for all my stuff, except my phone bill and some food....and obviously not rent right now... but still, it's weird I guess.

3.)Life guard meeting, First meeting at the pool this year on the 16th work starts the 18th FINALLY, i'll actually be doing something with my life!! :]
BUT...I NEED to look good in this suit... like for real.. OMG and like noone knows about my lower back tatto yet, half of it is going to fucking stick out... guess i'm wearing my black suit that covers the whole back :] im still neverous for when I HAVE to wear my lifeguard suit tho :/
Not that i'll get fired, three of my guy friends had tattoos that used to work there so its fine....
BUT I NEEED TO LOOK GOOD I htink its just the fact that I was on the swim team with a lot of these people and I was pretty small and stuff and I just need it back...


Well I am exhausted.. Ill be on when I wake up, like always, with my weight, since technically I count that weight as my morning weight since I haven't actually slept yet!
173.5, 173.5, 173.5 173.5 173.5, 173.5, 173.5 173.5 173.5, 173.5, 173.5 173.5 173.5, 173.5, 173.5 173.5
Thats all I want and neeed to drop .5, well I guess a pound since after I peed?? lmao..
If I don't hit this...I'll be on a 200 cal limit the rest of the day... only raw foods. and liquids with zero cals..I think I still have some diet coke....

Sooo tired :] thats a good thing lol

I probably forgot to tell you guys a ton of stuff.. but Ill remember laterrr.

Love
Lilah

haha felt like my blog was looking like christmas colors, so added in some halloween :] lmao