I'm in a really odd place right now.
Sorry I haven't been commenting.
My eating is slowly getting better.
I'm not talking to joe.
I'm civil with Brad.
And I really miss ryan:
ef... I realized last night he's one of the only guys I actually care about.... or one who actually cares about me too....I guess we're having a movie night... you're supposed to marry your best friend right? haha...
We will see what happens.
Today it is 4pm and I have ate an apple and yogurt: 180-200? idk... whatever... im not going to get fat off of yogurt and apples.
why do we not want to eat? this is so fucked up...Why is it that everytime I go in the kitchen I get nervous.... and I feel guilt after I eat.... and guilt if I dont eat.
This is not normal.
What we are doing is fucked up girls.
Not saying I want to stop... but have you guys ever just sat down and thought about it?? for real..
I want to lose weight so bad.... Im not even sure why
I think it's a confidence thing.
I got my period today.... I stopped taking my BC like 3-4 days ago... so I guess that would be why.
I really have been thinking about my weight gain and what not and it really makes since that the BC could have an effect.
It's harder for me to lose fat and I can gain it super easily... which I guess can be a side effect.
Also, My junior year, when I started it... ever since then I have slowly gained weight... who knows... it coudl just be in my head... maybe im just supposed to be fat.
But even if it has a placebo effect...whatevs, what totally down lol.
I know I keep saying this, but I promise I'll start reading all of your blogs again soon!
I just want to actually say things and mean then ya know?
And right now... I don't know what Im even feeling.
O well.
Love you girls so much.
Let's try and make the best of this last week before the holidays :)
Kels.
Birth Control really really does make you gain weight, when I was on it I reached my highest weight, plus it made me super emotional, so I don't take it anymore.
ReplyDeleteI feel better about condoms anyway because like you can see that there's something there.
Not sure if that makes me sound mental or not haha.
I'm paranoid about these things.
Anyway I hope you have a lovely time seeing Ryan over the holidays, and well done on the intake xxx
hey love. im on BC but hopefully I am not affected by it?? I dont know. I had it when I was at my low weight and I have it now, when I am a fatty fat girl.
ReplyDeleteAw! Ryan is adorbs! I would date him--which is serious, because in a school of 1900 kids I cannot find more than one or two boys I find attractive.
I agree about the food thing. Weird life we live, hun??
Love you dear!
I know how you feeling. Just hang in there and try the best you can.
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