can't sleep... this weekend has been O.K.

Boyfriend works at  5, so I've been up since 4:30, can't fall back asleep.

Food has been a LOT better than I expected.
My control is amazing. Almost as amazing as its ever been.

We went to torch lake.
I left my house at 4:30am to get to his before 6...then we all didn't even leave till 7.. ok well.
I ate a banana on the way.
coffee at his house. black. That's how I may myself drink it now.
we went with his parents and brother and sister...
stopped at mcdonalds.
I didn't order anything... old me would have gotten a mcgriddle, hashbrown...
I did eat little bro hash brown... but soaked the grease out with 3 napkins until it was dry lol and a few sips of OJ
then didn't eat much on the boat at first... had half a bagel sandwich (250?)... ate super slow... a chocolate granola cracker thing (80) a few chips in this homemade queso dip... ok maybe more than a few... and a bloody mary. then ate the other half of the sandwich... well most of it... it was kinda soggy so threw it in the lake lmao
stopped at mcdonalds AGAIN... this time got a small fruit parfait and red slush thing? idk its new.. nad really good. probably wayyy too much sugar.  But on the bright side, Carey put a fry up to my mouth and I just closed my lips and looked at him till it took it away and smiled... probably super impressed since last month I was eating more than him... or he was laughing at me since I think a fry is going to cause me to gain weight. I also didn't touch any of his 10 piece nugget. well that's a lie. I did touch it, smelled it... lmao not sure why? but I didn't eat it which is all that counts.  I drank a ton of water this day too.

Yesterday ate:
170 cal meal replacement special K bar
popcorn at movies? no idea how much
2 sugar free redbulls :20
burger for dinner, no bun, ketchp and mustard, cut in pieces and dipped it in.
then... watched TV with Carey and together we ate like 90327 freeze pops lol the ones that come liquid and you freeze? dumb decision.. I actually probably ate 8 so 200 calories... not bad for the day tho

I was planning on going back home on sunday night or mon morning... but I think I will tonight after we go to a minor league baseball game with my dads work....it will be fun, just dont want to drive another hour there and back lol...
food is going to be a tough one today... WHAT THE HELL DO YOU EAT AT A BALLPARK THAT'S SAFE?! I think all I will eat up till then is my clifbar... then maybe a hot dog without the bun? i don't fucking know... but we get "free" food on my dads work.. and if I don't eat my parents WILL know something is up... because I don't not eat... adn when I don't wat something is wrong... and then my mom will start asking me if I ever make myself puke again... and blah blah blah
Sometimes I wonder if she had an ED when she was younger.  She has lost a lot of weight...well gained a bit back.. I know she did it healthy, but she did pass out in church once.. and always talks about how my gma used to make her take diet pills when she was younger, even though she wasn't really fat...I just know they can run in familes so I've always wondered....

ANYWAY I''m super nervous to get on the scale tonight.. I held 180. for 3 days straight and if I in someway ruined that... I'll be pissed off. If I'm not in the 170's tomorrow morning... I'll be super pissed as well lol.
I think that having the scale to get on tonight as an reinforcement will help me through today.
I do look/feel smaller so I'm really hoping to finally break these 180's for once and for all. I have plummeted back to the 180's 3 times now. And I would like to think 3 times is the charm and actually keep it off this time.

alright, off to try and sleep a bit more.
night loves (morning?)
-Kels <3

PS didnt realize I already posted about food on thursday... silly me. o well.