...........

I know I just posted but I haven't been this frustrated in a long time...

I've been like, idk what to call it... binging on fruit?!?wtf... like I just ate like 25 cherries a small grapefruit, 20 blueberries, some lettuce... and a cup of milk... im still fucking hungry...
I want to puke right now.
I almost just feel like trying... even tho I know I won't be able to... no ones home.... but still... its just fruit, fuck it.

I need to poop. like now. TMI, sorry... but I have decided im buying laxatives. Im not planning on abusing them or even using them everyday... But I NEED to start pooping normally... this is redic.. I know thats why I have gained weight... and im constantly constipated.
My sister knows i have eating problems.. So i think im going to give the bottle to her, and that way there is no way I will ever abuse them, and only let her give me them after I ate like wayyyy too much, or am constipated... idk...

OH! and I forget to tell you all this little story. So these girls want to "fight" my sister and her friends for VERY stupid reasons, so stupid its not worth my time telling you about them. But we were at my friends bon fire and one of the girls was their and was talking shit out front of the house. Someone goes, I wouldnt try and fight her, her older sister is here. The she says, i'll beat her fat ass up too.
WTF.. that pissed me off soooooo bad. I probably could of killed her. The funny part is, that she's the same, if not bigger than me haha... So now I want to be skinny even more than I did before.

I am so tired of feeling fat.

Brad said I look really good, adn I should be perfectly happy with that since he's the only one I should want to impress... but of course im not.

I want more fucking pizza... this is where my EDNOS is fucked... I wish I hated food.

Also, my mom made the first nice compliment to me yesterday since i've lost weight. She goes yeah kels, you look a lot better since you came back from college.
I kno I do.
14 pounds will make a difference.
But I want it to be 30 pounds..

Sorry for all of the negativity, I know how positive I started with this and now its gone downhill. Im not sure if it's because I stopped losing weight or what...

Uggg I want food. But i want to be skinny more... Maybe this is why in the past my ednos never ends in anorexia... it just ends in binges and carelessness... untill it come back

I stopped getting as many comments as I was for a while... either I got boring, or im just chillin around being fat adn its unattractive?? idk... because I have been trying... Time to try harder I guess.

I love you
Thanks for being there.

Oh... I finally pooped... hopefully I lost a pound...