I had to post once more before bed.

So I kind of binged on watermelon lol.
Like It wasn't a binge, but it was at 11:30 pm... and seriously.... it was probably only a cup (46 cals) and its negative calories... but still haha.

I have sooo many goals for my weight.

I NEED to be 159. ASAP. Once I hit that, I will feel so refreshed. I want to be that by the 20th. I'm seeing all of my college friends. One's a model. But that gives me 10 days to lose 6 pounds. I know I can do it, but I still need to eat. otherwise my body will be fucked, and ill just even out.

So. i'm hoping for 164 tomorrow. I was 165 flat on both scales after work. This is good news. I'm going to be sleeping in tomorrow FINALLY. So hopefully the watermelon will turn to pure water by then and I'll just pee it out. Also, I wonder if i'll lose even more after the bloating goes down? That would be cool.

I haven't seen one of my best friends all summer. She saw me at my highest(186) and aroung my losest (im gonna say 163 ish)

SO I guess I just don't want to see her yet either... she was used to me being small...

MY brother (best guy friend I have know my whole life who I have a slight crush on lol) is coming home in early August. We basically like joke about getting married if things don't work out with me and brad. The farthest we ever went was cuddling on a couch for 5 minutes and it got awkward so i got up and slept on another couch haha :]
BUT I was wasted once, and this kid I have know for like 10 years tried hooking up with me and ryan just punches him in the face, and hes like Kels, I would rather you hook up with me than him. And i'm like me too Ry, me too haha.

BUT before he left for basic (he came and visited me a lot) we would always talk about me losing weight again and he was very supportive, so we always talk about how hot we will both be when he gets back. SO I NEED to lose. I have till August something... but I think I may not let myself see him till im 155.... is that fair? it shouldn't be too hard. It's the lowest I've been in a very long time. I think last summer I was around 169ish?? So 155 is going to fell very nice.

I NEED to be in the 140's for school. Even if it's 149.
I guess I'm just so much more confident when I look good.
I want to meet new friends.
I need a new girl friend.
Like a real one, where we can just be close, like we have other friends, but we're the closest? idk..
Im sick of only hanging out with guys lol

ALSO this Sunday is the fam reunion. I'm seeing a lot of people who saw me at higher weights, and some who I havn;t seen since I was skinny. So. I really want Sunday to be 163.9. No more. That was my "happy" weight in college, and would be very confident in it.

hmmmm I feel like I have more goals throughout the months... i'll post as they happen. I just want to see the 130's. I guess I want to prove myself that it's possible. 30 more pounds is my Goal.
It seems like sooo much.
I think i'll post pics ever 5 pounds I lose? Or should I do 10? I think i'll just do 5. that way i'll have 186, 165,160,155,...etc...

idk.

I just want to be under 165 tomorrow. I like intervals. Like breaking a 10, or 5. so like 169 and 164.
AHHH I just want to see the 50's. I just want to see everything don't I...

hmmmmm Love you all
once again, sorry for the ramblings.

I'll start commenting more soon, I promise.

Love
Lilah