I can't even handle this.
I keep binging... and then 50% of the time I purge it back up.
This is ridiculous, I don't want this at alllllll.
Lucky charms... I bought a 2 pound bag on monday... yea its basically 2/3 of the way gone....
I felt like a cat throwing up... that was horrible... seriously tho, this neeeeds to stop.
Now.
At night sometimes, its as if I don't even give a fuck any more... I just eat until I feel like I'm going to explode...then hate myself for it... and then feel sick.
Is this one of those since I have no control in my life tht I feel like I need to find it elsewhere?... idfk.
I think I'm going to talk to my roommate about it... will I regret it? yea.... probably... but I just can't let this go on anymore....
Criteria for bulimia is what? 2x a week for 2 months straight? and I don't want that too happen.... Im basically 1/2 way there... this is so fucked up.
It's never happening again.
...as of...
Now.
Good luck, good luck, good luck. I hope if you tell your roommate, it helps and doesn't backfire.
ReplyDeleteah good luck, I'm binging & purging like at least once a day, it sucks balls. I wish I could be strong. It might be good to get support from your roommate, you never know.. good luck. -A
ReplyDeleteOh wow, that sounds awful... I've been b/p 3x a day for like a year, you'll be way happier if you get out now. It just gets worse and worse /:
ReplyDeleteHang in there lovely. I hope your roommate understands and supports you...
ReplyDeletegirl, i was exactly where you are now about 4 months ago. I started this eating/weight obsession saying that I wasn't going to allow it to get out of control. yet, it did. I was binging/purging/ still gaining weight everyday, and I felt so guilty and ashamed that I just binged more. I was depressed, ornery, all of the above. I had to tell someone. I started with my best friend, then proceeded to tell my sister and my roommate. You have to be careful who you tell, but luckily all 3 of them are great secret keepers and very understanding people. That progressed to me going to my university's counseling. It sucked for a long time cuz they went WAY overboard, making me take blood tests and forcing me to do TONS of crap, and I honestly don't know how much it has actually helped me, but i know for sure it has forced me to face the problem i was denying. Now i haven't thrown up in who knows how long. probably 2 or 3 months. Its really hard and i'm still so messed up, but I know I'm getting better. you gotta do it, sweetie. its hard, but its worth it.
ReplyDeleteyou don't wanna be stuck like this forever. good luck :)
Hey<3 I nominated you for an award!
ReplyDeleteSometimes it really does help to talk to someone, although like one of the other commentors said, you have to be careful who you talk to, it's got to be someone you trust.
ReplyDeleteI talked to my sister awhile back a bit, which maybe helped her understand why I'm so difficult and weird about food/exercise/eating. It was terribly awkward but it made things a bit better...
~ H