not good.

so I was doing amazing... and I knew it wouldn't last long...
I knew that my self control would completely vanish and that at one point or another B/P would return.


I went to chicago with my bf for the weekend... had an amazing time.. also ate like I wasn't a fat ass... or technically, I guess I ate like a fat ass....well I came back home.. we smoked a lot.. .ate a lot... and I jsut can't stop.

I purged yesterday... and it was a lot... which was good and bad.. it scares me that I can get so much up...
then once today.

I had planned on running yesterday and that didn't happen... but I am later on today...

I'm alos eating sunflower seeds in the shell because I really can not stop eating...
I'll gain control soon... it's just  matter of time.  But I don't want to gain all the weight that I worked so hard to lose.
I was maintaining in the low 177's for a while... and now I'm 180. so it's not completely ruined... but I'm afraid it will be soon.

My goal was to be 178 by friday again so that my week goals could possibly be on track again... I was killing them at first but now, in order to make them, I'll need to be 176 by next tuesday... which I know is possible... but my control is just out the window...

I'm hoping tomorrow i'll be back here to say that I'm in just as much control as I was a couple weeks ago..

wish me luck

xoxoxo