I hate where I am at right now. I've been maintaining at around 175... which is 14 pounds less than I was... but it's still very frustrating.
I've had a few bouts of B/P... one that happened like 30 minutes ago. It's so frustrating for me... I don't want to do this. but after I do it... I just go and eat again... but I'm not going to throw up this time...
ummm I also told my boyfriend about my eating issues. Not all the details... but most of it. We were still al little drunk.... and I know he cares about me a lot. But I also know it's extremely hard to understand when you have no past experience or knowledge of it. But at the same time, it would be kind of nice to talk to someone about it in person.
The reason I told him was because he kept asking me about my blog... why he couldnt read it, etc... and we do tell each other everything.. so I just broke down and told him. It was weird.. I've never really told anyone before... except for brad (ex, we dated for 5 years) and even him, I bearly told that much to... but he always made me feel stupid, like I was doing it for attention. But with Carey it was different. He sat there and held me while I cried... and even though it really sucked, Im kinda glad It did.
I still scared a bit about it though.. I'm not sure if hes going to bring it back up or not. I feel like people will usually respond to it in 2 different ways. They will either just completely forget about it, or be overly caring... and I think that something in between would work out nicely... but I'm pretty sure he's just going to kind of ignore it... so that's kinda good lol.
ALSO I have a dentist appt in the morn? Anyone ever have issues with a dentist asking about teeth/throat condition from throwing up? I know that my "ED" or whatever isn't that severe... or at least the purging part isnt... so I don't think it will be an issue, but ti still scares me. I'm actually at the point where I want to get help... but I'm just too scared to do it.... also, I'm still so unhappy with by body... AND I really can't imagine me, or my parents having to pay for more appts...
o well.
Sorry I've been so absent. I will return eventually... I always do.
My boyfriend is on a similar inquiry route at the moment. :( I don't know if i'd ever be able to tell him, because even though I know I'm not doing it for attention, I feel like by telling him I am looking for it. :( I admire your courage in telling him. Thanks for the post. Gave me something to think about. :) :) Good luck with the pesky dentist!
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